- One in 4 women will experience domestic violence during her lifetime.
- Women experience more than 4 million physical assaults and rapes because of their partners, and men are victims of nearly 3 million physical assaults.
- Women are more likely to be killed by an intimate partner than men
- Women ages 20 to 24 are at greatest risk of becoming victims of domestic violence.
- Every year, 1 in 3 women who is a victim of homicide is murdered by her current or former partner.
So, in Part 2 I will be discussing ways of getting help or offering help to loved ones.
First up Acknowledging and Getting Help -
Acknowledgment -
If you think you're in an abusive relationship the first step to acknowledgment is to understand abuse, if you haven't read Part 1 you can find it HERE to help you understand if you're being abused.
It took me several YEARS to finally come to terms with the fact that I was being abused. My ex-husband rarely left bruises on me but he certainly had no issue inflicting a plethora of emotional abuse on me. As well as disconnecting me from my family and loved ones, so I had no one to talk to about my situation.
* This is one of the first steps many abusers take. It puts you in a vulnerable position, because there is no one to see you changing or becoming more introverted.
Getting Help -
If you have someone in your life who you know you can talk to about your situation, without them making mention of it to your partner, talk to them and tell them you feel threatened. Not everyone will be receptive to helping you or even acknowledging that you are being abused. If there is no one in your life who can help you then it's time to move onto community outreach programs.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline
at
1-800-799-7233
*I can't stress this part enough, you you don't trust them not to talk to your spouse then MOVE ON. Find someone who never talks to your spouse. Often times abusers become more aggressive when they feel that they have been "outed".
Helping Loved Ones Get Out
You genuinely care about the safety and happiness of your Son/Daughter/Friend/Mother/Father/Whatever. The toughest part of loving someone is telling them they need help. But the problem isn't really about the person you're trying to help. It's about the abusive party. You need to understand that they may be so controlling that your loved one may never have the ability to leave the house without threats of harm to themselves our your loved one. Sometimes it's treats against pets, children or personal property. Regardless of where the threats lie, they are seen as very real and very unnerving.
Taking Action -
The first step in taking action is always first contact. Remember, your loved one thinks they are good at hiding the abuse. Be gentle and careful in your wording, but before that it's really about One on One time with your loved one.
*Unless you come from a VERY open and close family I would say an intervention should only be used as a last resort. Sometimes first contact about the situation can be all they need.
First Contact -
The best way to get first contact is to have the most trustworthy family member or friend (preferably of the same sex as the party being abused) make plans to participate in a one on one activity that you know the abuser will not be able or willing to interfere in. Examples: Girls Day, Shoe Shopping, Pedicures, Spa Day. The activity should be borderline repulsive to keep the abuser from wanting to participate. This may still be a challenge, make the activity out to be a celebration of some sort, if necessary. The hard part is going to be finding the right words to say. Not everyone is in a similar situation, the most important part, however, is to make it be known that you are willing to help in ANY way necessary, or at least to the the best of your abilities.
A little bit about my experience -
All through out my abusive relationship, I tried to ask, beg even, for my in-laws help and they in turn would either, turn it into a situation where I was to be punished for my actions (i.e. Calling the authorities) or just simply told to get some space (i.e. Rent a motel room). They were sadly, so blinded by they're love of their son that they couldn't see that the problem was him, not me. The breaking point happened when my mother came to visit while my ex-husband was out of town. She originally came to keep me company, which then forced her to see what was really going on.
We had recently purchased a new home and my spouse was refusing to pack up and move our belongings from our rental to our new property. This caused my mother to pull up her bootstraps and help me move everything in while he was away. She had decided that she was willing to dedicate as much time as possible to help get everything in order. Which inevitably lead to my spouse arriving home from his trip and proceeding to continue the abuse cycle in front of her. This included down right nasty remarks, all the way to coming home drunk at 4am, banging on my (separate) bedroom door and more than once breaking into it using the full force of his body.
She finally came to me and said "It's time to leave. You can't live here anymore." Luckily for me I had saved enough money and was secretly working a job that paid me enough to afford a place of my own. I had been planning my escape from him for over a year but figured I would end up being murdered by him before I would get out. It's hard to acknowledge the fact that I felt that threatened in that situation, but looking back it seemed like I had only two options, Run Away or die.
*Like most of my stories, this is only the beginning and a very small snippet of details leading up. I feel it's helpful to give you some insight into what I've been through.
In part 3 I will be explaining a few ways to make your transition out of the living situation more safe and easy for everyone involved.
I thank you all for reading. Please feel free to comment!
